The led? Or the Leader?

this is something I wrote and had given to a professor to read.
- enrique


The Led? Or the Leader?
One of the sheep? Or Shepherd?
Am i truly in control of myself or do other factors around me have an impact on that self.

Perhaps I could debate the subject of the existence of one's self, but this arguments would in itself be riddled with "I's."

Plainly it exists.
Us being in true control of it - that is something I doubt.
In that romantic sense, we want to say I am myself, that my actions are controlled measures, and I, only I influence them.

Even I would love to sit here and write that my world exists purely by my actions, by my choices, and no one or no thing had any outward, inward influence on it. That I say is absurd. When you sit back and ponder on it, that is when those little contradictions arise.

Now then, if I can't control myself, or have pure control, how do I go on living? How has, or how will my existence be determined. If there even is a life existing when one's world is strictly determined, then there must be a prior destination of man.

Which exists?
We all are working toward the same end -
the thought of an immortal god exists in being due to our hopes as people living for an end.
The end no one can pull them self from.

Our death is much the best proof of physical determinism, you are watching yourself fade into oblivion with each day that passes.
This walk into that silent world - this will warrant some form of reaction.

As in reference to the "Absurd," or at times like that you are making, or trying to in that time.
So that self, you may have thought yourself as defined by, this self can move.
This self is not concrete, with each choice made, the supposed concrete cracks and thus a change is born.
When faced with death at an old age, just because you made it that far does not mean you have accepted it.

Still you have the chance for suicide - couldn't suicide be seen as a leap of faith. "I took my life in hope of God being there at the end." Or the "my faith in god allowed me to take my life."
Still there is acceptance/and acceptance could be tied with suicide and the leap of faith.